My first Coaching session: Learning to trust the process

Facilitating my first coaching session was a significant step in moving from theory into practice. While I had a clear understanding of coaching models and principles, this experience challenged me to apply them in a live, unscripted conversation.

Going into the session, my intention was to use the GROW model, created by Sir John Whitmore, as a guiding structure, while maintaining a non-directive approach. What stood out most afterwards was not just how the conversation unfolded, but how my role as a coach shaped that process moment by moment.

Establishing the coaching contract

At the start of the session, I consciously focused on setting the tone. I introduced the purpose of coaching as non-judgemental, non-advisory, and confidential, clearly distinguishing it from mentoring. I also checked the coachee’s comfort with being challenged, which allowed me to gauge how far I could stretch their thinking during the session.

This initial step was intentional. Rather than moving straight into the issue, I prioritised psychological safety and clarity of expectations. In practice, this helped create a space where the coachee felt able to explore their thoughts openly.

Using GROW to guide the conversation

Although I did not explicitly label each stage, I was consciously guiding the session through the GROW framework.

Goal: Clarifying the focus

Early in the session, I asked open questions to move from a broad concern to a more defined outcome. The coachee initially described a situation, but my role was to help them articulate what they wanted to achieve from the conversation. By asking what success would look like, I guided them towards a clearer goal.

This step was important in giving the session direction and ensuring the conversation remained purposeful.

Reality: Exploring without reinforcing assumptions

As the coachee described the situation, I focused on active listening and summarising, checking my understanding before moving forward. At this stage, I noticed the coachee expressing several assumptions about how others might respond. Rather than challenging these directly, I used questioning to bring awareness to them: for example, I asked clarifying questions and reflected patterns in their thinking.

This approach allowed the coachee to recognise their own assumptions without feeling confronted. It also kept the session aligned with a coaching mindset, supporting reflection rather than directing conclusions.

Options: Encouraging independent thinking

When the conversation moved towards possible actions, I consciously stepped back. There were moments where I felt the instinct to suggest solutions, particularly as the topic involved practical and potentially urgent decisions. However, I redirected this by asking questions such as “What options do you have?” and “What else could you do?”

This shift was deliberate and by maintaining a non-directive stance, I enabled the coachee to generate their own ideas. As a result, the options discussed were grounded in their context and felt more achievable.

Will: Supporting commitment to action

Towards the end of the session, I focused on helping the coachee identify clear next steps. I asked questions about what they would do following the session and by when. This helped translate reflection into commitment.

I also revisited their confidence level, which provided a simple way to measure any shift during the session. This reinforced their sense of progress and ownership.

Observing my coaching practice

Following the session, I used Gibbs’ reflective cycle to evaluate my effectiveness.

One of the key strengths was my ability to hold the coaching space, supporting the conversation where the coachee could think freely. I also observed that my use of open questioning and summarising helped guide the conversation without taking control of it. This was particularly effective in moving the coachee from a broad, complex issue towards more focused thinking. Another important aspect was my effort to bring the conversation back to what was within the coachee’s control, which appeared to shift their perspective and increase clarity.

At the same time, the session highlighted areas for improvement. There were moments where my questions became slightly leading, particularly when I was anticipating potential outcomes, indicating that I may not have been fully neutral in my approach. I also noticed a tendency to fill silence quickly, rather than allowing space for deeper reflection. I understand that developing comfort with silence will be important in strengthening my coaching presence. Additionally, I was occasionally thinking ahead to the next question, which affected my ability to remain fully present in the moment.

Integrating reflection into practice

To extend the impact of the session, I introduced a post-session reflection form for the coachee, designed to capture their insights, shifts in confidence, and intended actions.

From a coaching perspective, this serves two purposes:

• It encourages the coachee to continue reflecting beyond the session

• It provides indirect feedback on the effectiveness of the coaching process

  
  

In parallel, my own use of reflective practice allowed me to critically assess my approach and identify specific areas for development.

Developing as a coach

This experience reinforced that effective coaching is not about providing solutions, but about facilitating thinking through structure and presence. Using the GROW model gave the session direction, but it was the way I applied it through listening, questioning, and restraint, that shaped its effectiveness.

Moving forward, my focus will be on:

• Maintaining neutrality in my questioning

• Allowing more space for silence

• Staying fully present without anticipating responses

• Continuing to reflect on each session to support improvement

  
  

Final reflection

This session marked an important transition from understanding coaching conceptually to applying it in practice. Observing my own role within the session highlighted how subtle behaviours such as how I ask questions, respond to pauses, or manage assumptions, can significantly influence the quality of the conversation.

Written by YS